Why I Blog

Sometimes I think blogging is silly and a little narcissistic. Why would people want to know my thoughts or experiences? Maybe I shouldn't waste the time or space on the World Wide Web.

But then the Facebook On This Day app shows me a blog I wrote 2 or 3 or 4 years ago. 

(It doesn't show much from a year ago because I wasn't blogging. Because I didn't have much positive or thoughtful to say at the time or energy to sit and write)

The blogs that pop up remind me of things. Of places I've traveled. Of feelings I've felt. Of thoughts I've dwelt on and worked through. Of the many wonderful and adventurous and everyday experiences I've had.

Most recently they remind me that the feelings of late are feelings I've had before.

When there was a major relational shift because the single girls dear to me have gotten married and are now wives and I am still here hoping to someday have that for myself. And while being exceedingly happy for them, knowing it's never going to be the same as when we were roommates and valentine dates. (ref: Seasonal Shifts)

Lindsey (beloved roommate of 2012-13), Ashley (longest lasting adult friendship I have),
and Aly (my go to dancing and dinner gal)

The ones about job shifts and leaving and changing and looking. And though I love my job now, being reminded it's still not the thing in life that will fulfill. (ref: Commitment, Transitions and Satisfaction; Already, but Not Yet)

And the travels and adventures. The longing to do more and see more. But remembering I have done lots and have seen lots. (ref: We Went to the UK: Edinburgh; Why Israel?; To Maine and Back in a Day; I think I'll go to Boston; Up, Up and Away)

Edinburgh, Scotland; Jerusalem, Israel; Portland, Maine; Boston, Massachusetts;Eleuthera, Bahamas

I blog to remember.

To know on the days I'm questioning and longing and occasionally sinking that I have hope and experiences and memories that are worth having and never worth trading.

On days I wake up and I'm 32 and realize I have not put much (or any) intentionality into finding a forever companion and wonder, am I too late, have I missed my chance? It reminds me I was taking other chances, I was making my own way. I was (and am) growing and becoming a better version of myself. And can still hope that, just maybe, my forever travel buddy and adventure friend and struggle through things with person is out there somewhere adventuring and becoming a better version too.

And sometimes I write in hopes of encouraging and inspiring. Hoping someone might read and feel not as alone or have a laugh at my silly meanderings or that they can take a risk like flying to the UK with someone they have only met twice!

To remember, to not forget, to encourage, to hope.

That's why I blog.

And, really, I blog because my mom and Aunt Kris encouraged and asked me to : )

Why the H?

Recently, a new friend asked why I capitalize the H at the end of my name and not the beginning.

To which I responded with thanks for noticing, an explanation and moved him into the category of people I like more than others because he noticed and cared to know why. (If you have asked or noticed or taken to writing my name that way as well, know that you are in that group too!)

But really, why do you write your name that way, you ask?

Art by London as a birthday gift years ago before she was an almost 13 year old.

Honestly, I don't completely remember when it started or why. Like an old family nickname or something, it just is now. The was and how are a little hazy.

One friend inspired the shortening of it to a signature of just hH, somewhere along the way.

But I think it mostly comes from being left handed, a little bit (ok, a lot) sassy and some quirky mixed with creativity.

I am left handed. I do things backwards. When I was learning to contra dance I always twirled the wrong direction (and still do sometimes). We [the left handed society] tie our shoes backwards and push rather than pull pens across paper. I think differently than other people often and I believe this partially comes from being left handed, a slightly tilted perspective on the world. So if doing things backwards is my lot, why not write my name backwards?

Sassy, sarcastic, quick witted, etc. might also be words that describe me, but of course in the kindest and most uplifting kind way to be sassy and sarcastic. People ask me regularly if I know that my name can be spelled the same backwards and forwards. They don't state it as a neat fact like "hey, your name is spelled the same backwards and forwards, that's neat" they ask "did you know your name..." and I do appreciate them noticing. However, this has been my name my whole life. So yes, clearly, I know (and like) that my name is a palindrome and I notice other palindromic things as well. Some favorites are 'madam I'm Adam' and race-car. So perhaps I spell my name that way a little out of sass in response to a question I have oft been asked.

Quirky, creative, weird...however you want to label it. I have always been a misfit, fitting in enough to get by but never entirely, maybe not at all at times. At an early age I learned that I wasn't quite like the others. In order to live a life not of frustration and trying to hard, I owned my quirk, flew my freak flag if you will (ref: the Family Stone). I became ok with being a little outside the circle and often not fitting in.  So writing my name in a way that is unique of the other Hannahs out there seemed to be a good idea at the time (I guess, like I said, I don't remember when this started).

So why do I write my name backwards? I think all the above are true...

but mostly,

I like to write it that way and it seems other people like it too : )

Feelin (loved) 32

This and other birthdays in recent years have left me with a bittersweet feeling. The feeling of having such wonderful friends and being so loved but still feeling a void in not having a person that is 'my' person. Although I do not have that one person, I do have people that are 'my' people. People who have brought me into their homes, their tribes, their dinner tables, their good and bad, their special moments.

This year, many of those people showed up during birthday month so much that I was overwhelmed beyond words by a feeling of gratitude and great love. Some of those ways were:

Pizza and generosity with my longest local adult friends.

Brick Street Sweet Potato Cake in the park with Lacey!

Birthday month weekly treats arriving from Amazon (via a special aunt)

Who doesn't need a pasta-saurus or a Loch Ness ladle?!

Treats on treats from friends near and far.

An adventure to find a new waterfall and hammock!

A new book from mom and a lovely afternoon in the park.

Passover and Good Friday reflection and sweet memories.

Flowers on my doorstep! (twice)

Cards and notes from my friend's kids telling me why they like me : )

The birthday turtles. Arriving every year. 

A few other things like hikes and walks and best friend weddings and dancing and possibilities that I missed gathering photographic evidence of.

And...

The best this year, my very own song, tune written by our best friend Taylor Swift, lyrics inspired by my life and written by none other than the amazing Abby Moore Keith. 

No longer 30-fun. Here's to 32!

Full lyrics available here.

View video here! (picture above is a hoax)

Thanks to all who have loved and been there and bring me into your lives. 

Feelin 32 Lyrics and Video

Viewable here!

It feels like a perfect night to put on our sweatpants

Watch some Netflix, uh uh uh uh

It feels like a perfect night to go to bed early

Fall asleep at seven uh uh uh uh

Yeah

We're paying bills and eating spinach at the same time

It's miserable and miserable oh yeah

Tonight's the night when we forget about receding hairlines, it's time uh oh

I don't know about you but I'm feeling 32

Everything will be alright, if I’m in my comfy shoes

I don't want a bud light, but I’ll take a home-brew

Everything will be alright, if we just keep dancing like we're 32, 32

It’s gonna be one of those nights

For ibuprofen, my joints are achin’ uh uh, uh uh

It’s gonna be one of those nights

You ditch the party scene, and end up sleeping, instead of drinking

Yeah

We can laugh and pull a muscle at the same time

It hurts but it’s hysterical oh yeah

We fall asleep after one glass of red wine, it’s time uh oh

I don't know about you but I'm feeling 32

Everything will be alright if I stay near the bathroom

I shouldn’t have another piece, but I really want to

Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 32 uh uh ah ah ah 32 uh uh uh

I don't know about you, 32 uh uh 32 uh uh

It feels like one of those nights

We do our taxes

It feels like one of those nights

We don’t know teen slang

It feels like one of those nights

Fries look like bad news but I can't have you, I can’t have you ohh, uh, yeah

I don't know about you but I'm feeling 32

Everything will be alright, I got a deal on shampoo

I’d watch Boy Meets World, but it’s not on Hulu

Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 32 uh uh, 32 uh uoh,

32 uh uh, yeah, 32 uh uhoo, yeah yeah

It feels like one of those nights uh uh

We ditch the home scene

It feels like one of those nights uh uh

We fly to Iceland

It feels like one of those nights uh uh

Hannah turns 32, she’s turning 32

Welcome to thirty-two

---

Abby Moore Keith

freelance writer

abbyelisemoore.com

a list: Feeling (Thankful) 32

Some years for birthdays I make lists.

A few years ago I made these lists:

a list: 28 by 29

a list: 30 by 30

Both of which proved to be full of fun and adventure. Things to accomplish.

This year I turn 32 In two days to be exact. Doesn't seem like a big milestone year numerically. But seeings how 31 is coming to an end on a much higher upswing than it started, I am hopeful for 32. Perhaps it will go in to the best year ever categories like 24 and 29, we shall see.

I don't have any lists of fun things I must do concocted yet for the year, but I am thinking about making some. I function better when I have plans and goals and things to look forward to.

But for now I will write a list of 32 things I am currently thankful for:

1. JESUS. It's Holy Week. The dark and light of the week always gives me chills. It may look dreary and doubtful, but just wait. Sunday is coming!

2. A job that I love. Perhaps I only get to keep it for a season, perhaps I will retire from here, but for now I am thankful to be in a position that allows me to truly feel my gifting being utilized.

3. Dancing.

4. The past two (partly bittersweet) weekends spent marrying off two of my dearest friends.

5. A home in a proximity to work that allows me to not experience road rage ever.

6. Anticipation of the amazingness that will be the re-write of T Swift's Feeling 22 into Abby Moore Keith's Feeling 32 in honor of my 32nd birthday!

7. The spring and the blooms and the leaves and flowers and the birds chirping.

8. The cutest nieces and nephews.

9. My small group at church.

10. Getting a drop in visit with both Amanda and Lacey this week.

11. A heel that seems to be healing
*taking a break from running right when spring starts to try and heal my heel is not very ideal

12. A new book arriving in the mail today! Good job, mom : )

13. Birthday month goodies arriving each week from a pretty special aunt!

14. The anxious anticipation of things that may or may not ever happen.

15. Knowing things about myself that I didn't 7 years ago.

16. Family. (I need to plan a trip home soon!)

17. My fish Franklin. Still alive 3 years and 3 moves later! He's a champ!

18. My car. So practical and efficient. Is it bad to love my car that much?

19. Opportunities to serve.

20. The time to sit and write this.

21. An upcoming long weekend.

22. The month of April and it's lack of crazy.

23. Trying to buy a house and not buying a house but learning a lot about what level of adulting buying a house really is.

24. The number 24. I just like it a lot.

25. Volunteers and family partners at Habitat that make work a joy and delight to be a part of.

26. A dad who sends cute cards and notes and who has sent them for as long as I can remember.

27. Ice cream.

28. No longer having  a leak in my ceiling. It's been months since we fixed it, but I am certainly still very glad that it is no more.

29. Friends that are like family.

30. Lists.

31. The Gilmore Girls Reunion that is happening on Netflix.

32. Birthdays. Not just mine.

...and that's 32 with many more things I could list. I'm also thankful that stopping at 32 things I am thankful for is harder than thinking up 32 things...


Coming soon....the lyrics to Feeling 32, inspired my life and birthday and written by the one and only Abby Moore Keith!

I Coordinate the Volunteers, I am not a Volunteer...

Most anyone who reads this blog already knows that I started a new job back in November, which my previous post hinted at. Since November I have been working as a Volunteer Coordinator for Habitat for Humanity of Greenville County. Just to be clear, I am not coordinating things voluntarily as some have understood that title (if I could I would, but a girls got to eat and have shelter and dance and all that). I am, however, coordinating the wonderful volunteers who are willing to give their time and talents so that we can provide affordable home-ownership for residents of Greenville County. 

But this journey didn't just start in November. 

And it may have started before I actually remember. 

But the most defining time that I recall my life beginning to lean in this direction was about 9 years ago. 

My senior year of college, I received a flier in my mailbox for AmeriCorps. 

I had never heard of such a thing. Sure mission trips and long term missions where you raise support were always an option, but not something that would pay you (barely) and insure you and give you an education award at the end of your service. With a summer gig at a camp lined up and nothing else post graduation, it seemed like a good idea to me!

So I started applying. As it turns out, I was/am a terrible interviewer, but some AmeriCorps programs are in need just enough that they will take said terrible interview for phone voice value and invite you to move to a city you've never been to before and you know only 1 person.

So that's what I did in January of 2007.

My AmeriCorps experience changed me. It made me into an adult concerned about her community from a sheltered college grad who didn't know a thing about the world. It introduced me to Habitat for Humanity and a love for the build site at my first Build-A-Thon on the Gulf Coast. It is where I really learned that Habitat was my niche and where I knew that going home dirty and tired and sore knowing it meant something was how I wanted my life to be lived. 

The Wake county affiliate grew me in those two terms of service by leaps and bounds. Just ask them : ) I'm sure they'd be happy to tell you about the sheltered and shy and inexperienced girl from OH that showed up in January of 2007.

I took a break from Habitat for a few years in between, and had some other wonderful and also life shaping experiences. But none quite like those first two years out of college. I love the camp life and would go back if I felt the Lord's leading. BUT. My heart truly feels filled and useful when I am working with the volunteers, staff and family partners at Habitat.

So as my previous post talks about calling and jobs and how they don't always end up being the same, right now I get to have one in the same. 

I am so glad to be back at Habitat and building homes, community and hope with some of the best people in the world!

And if you live close by, be sure to check out our volunteer opportunities here : )

This Thing Called Calling

Maybe I've known what it was for a while. But it wasn't available. I couldn't get to it yet. 

I wasn't ready. 

Much of my life has felt like preparation. Preparing me for what? I've never been sure. I have never believed the season I was currently in was going to be long term. Some seasons were certainly longer than others, but none of it seemed to be 'the thing'. 

Recently, I read an article about how to find your calling. (You can read it here.)

This ending paragraph stuck with me:

"Unlike a job that is for a season, a calling will beckon us for a lifetime. It creates an inner drive and restlessness when we live outside of it and peace when we are embracing it and living inside of it. A job is printed on your resume. A calling echoes in your epitaph."

I have lived in that restlessness most of my ever changing vocational life. (Ask anyone who has spent much time with me. I am always looking for the next thing. A little envious of those who have found their 'thing'.)

There have been glimpses of this peace that comes when you do what you are meant to do. Short lived experiences volunteering here or serving over there. Spending a day or a week gaining blisters and being exhausted in service to others. Going on this service learning trip or a brief glimpse into what that thing over there might be like. But I have never gotten to keep it. 

And maybe this side of eternity, I never will. 

But maybe, just maybe, the thing is right around the corner. It is waiting there. Waiting for me to be ready. For us both to be ready. Waiting for when my gifts, talents, abilities, desires all line up in just the right way. Waiting for me to take that next step around the corner to look it in the face. 

The article ends with this:

"Consider your calling and diligently pursue it. It will make all the difference."

So that's what I will do. 

Even if 'the thing' never happens, I will pursue the use of the talents and abilities I have been gifted with in the hope I know to be true. The hope that the One who calls is faithful and when we align with Him, those deep felt longings can be satisfied.  

My mom once said to me, 'you have to go through what you go through in order to get to where you get to.' So I'll keep going through in hopes of getting to.

Because 'the thing', my calling, might be waiting for just the right moment for me to finish going through and to actually get to. 

And maybe, just maybe, it might be right in front of me right now.

(You can read the full article on calling via Relevant Magazine, here.)